friend.

currently listening to all my life. ur fav song, of course i remember.

i understand if u still upset with my attitude. the circle rather to be ironic. i fired up everything. and its always me, to end and to meet the with deathend. and, its always me that eventually approach the wrong turn.

i dun even know how to react. i stop thinking for a while. a step back, pondering over things that i wrote. and wonder how exactly will u interpret. well, u found my blog and u read everything. at least u know everything that been lingering on my mind. i read back everything, from the aftermath and recently. guess i hadnt move much.

and whenever i read back all the post, it was based on irrational. unbalaced thinking, and i was still in a state of denial. im afraid of admitting my own mistake. i was angry, well apparently u should be angry/ keep vengeance on me but were really nice to forgive and forget from i've done and rather to hold all the unnecessary vengeance.

what exactly im trying to outline was the disparity. that been really depressing. i didnt reply ur text lately, because i dunno. i have credits i have everything that i need to reply ur simple text. u never failed to reply my text, even it would be slightly late, but u still reply. me? i left over ur text. skip to other text, im not saving for the last. but.. u know, we're keep saying the same thing, over and over again. and as if our conversation bias-ly limited.

do u know, aftermath, i've been reading the text that u sent to me, for so many times. and sometimes i watched over all the pictures we've taken the vidoes and reminiscing all the time when talking to you was so easy, because i really miss you and i dunno what else i can do. as if my previous phone still with me, perhaps i will keep on reading ur text that i saved over and over and over again. because, i dun know what else to do.

u've said u have forgiven me. or i thought u so u have forgiven me but where exactly the forgiveness really goes? its really sad to see online on msn and i dun even have anything to say. our conversation were limited. i betrayed you i deserved that.

do u know im currently friendless in that new place?* i am serious. i dun even know whether i have the ability or i thought so to accept any more friend. because, im afraid of losing. and losing you as my best friend was the worse thing that ever happened to me. because, what i did previously totally unaccepted. and least i can say unforgivable. and i never really stop thinking over the same thing. its still lingering. do u know that?

and i u know u were running business in beside my town, occasionally u were around campus , even i saw ur car running over around campus. and u never even texted me at least once. and no, there was not even a single text u see, u never really forgive me do you?

okey insyaallah if ada masa kita lepak

kau pn elok2 kat gombak

i know if u would re-visit my blog u probably get annoyed with this super duper crap long and stupid post. i have nothing else to say, should i say sorry?

ok im sorry for the millions time.

i hope u forgive me.

after all, i deserved it. i dun really expect u totally forgive me.

well at least i hope we wouldnt reluctant to say Hi whenever we bump to each other.

(i really hope so)

and forgiving enemy is so much easier than forgiving a friend.

u know, u are the best friend that i ever had that ever blessed to me.

and i know. im the worse "thing" that ever happened to you.

and, im not ur best friend anymore. sedihkan?