its 12.35 in the morning.
where should I begin eh?
er how should I begin....
hm...
there are few things that i totally regret by now
#1- for changing my major from History to Political sc.
why? because I didnt know Prof Emeritus khoo kay kim will be teaching undergraduate.
and, i didnt know political sc is beyond pain on the neck. The subjects speaks by itself.
#2- The long overdue depression is such a waste of time.
serious menyesal.
after all, life is about dealing the present. let the past remained silent.
oh yes, Abang finally graduated and now he's waiting his result, inshallah as he said semua pass. while he was here, noleh minta tolong dia to help me kemaskan all the barangs that tunggang langgang in my room. I beli almari and get katil free, my room was such a mess because katalah nak suruh bonda tolong.
so, the kemas mengemas session begin, I used to have this huge almari that can put akram twice, where everything is there, from selimut, baju sekolah, spende yang da tak muat, jersey (YES JERSEYS) t-shirt yang da lama tak pakai, and on top of the almari ada few boxes where i kept all my notes masa kat CFS dulu, and few books masa sekolah menengah.
the best part, I found my pidato text masa wakil daerah dulu. seronok je baca. I found my report card, seriously, no wonder everyone surprised masa aku bagitahu aku masuk the holy Islamic institution, and when I start to talk about politics, mcm ada surprise face.
honestly, when i was in school i dun even bother on going to school. resulted? ye, aku punya report card tak pernah semua biru+ i hate my school teacher yang memanjang pregnant, yang bosan, one way teaching. the only subject i enjoy study was BM, yes for the past 2 years masa form 4 & 5 i never failed BM. though I answer one paper je.
and I was really surprised, looking at my math& add math. since i was kid I always have problem with math, i never pass my math. *patutlah aku ni illogical masa buat reasoning.*
I dunno how I pass my secondary school, and Alhamdulillah with Allah s.w.t blessing, I never pass any subjects except for bm and agama, and masa result banyak pulak A's aku. though I didnt really work hard. I start to study pun after trial kot, masa tu baru sibuk beli buku pass years, except for sejarah because i know there are lodsa of question have not been asked yet, then kenapa sibuk nak beli buku pass years kan?
yeah, I remember my acc & add math teacher when i show my result, their orgasm face Puan Azlina my add math teacher said *RendraR kalau awak datang hari hari mesti boleh score, ni mcm chipsmore je, kejap ada kejap tade.* and my acc teacher... hikhik *boleh apply matrix ni* WHATT? of course I wont.
school was indeed fun, maybe, maybe because i dun really have anything to think about. kalau nak dtg sekolah datanglah. kalau malas switch off the light and cont' sleeping sampai pukul 12. then after 12, makan, ambil aween (my sister) hantar pergi mengaji, then tengok digimon world, then pukul pergi lepak.
blessingnya hidup mcm tu.
now.....................................................
just submitted my Islamic Aqidah assignment, as agrreed before kot (kotlah, aku tak ingat and I tak reti mcm nak guna chicago footnote&endnote) guna APA style (American Psychology Association), and suddenly my friend asked me to change to Chicago style, errrkkkk. i have 3 more assignment need to be submitted, comparative politics on 30th/11, and Modern Hist (causes and effects of WW1, if happened to be, you buat review, or anything related to WW1, please dun tell me i didnt remind you, WW1 is beyond complicated.) and finally political thought Programming Nation state, and happened to be, none of my group mate anticipate in this thaing.
and 4 more weeks before final, which seriously confirmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i sakit kepala sem ni.
I've told abang before on how i dun really enjoy being in university, kena setepek je dia basuh dalam kereta. dah, aku malas nak mengadu.
hmmm..
emak went to brunei since last rabuday until next sabtuday. baru aku tahu betapa penatnya jadi suri rumah ni, from basuh baju, sidai baju, iron baju (baju i je hikhik, selalu aku suruh aween je) masak, (ptptn aku da habis) and etc. buang sampah, ikat sampah, masak then basuh balik, Ya Allah, taktahulah mcm mana aku hidup membujang nanti. and its been 5 days aku tak telan nasi, malas nak makan. masak maggi, lapar makan roti, letak butter. yes, heaven in my mouth.
oh yeah, incase ur a big fan of music and tired listening the same old songs in ur mp3, google Last.fm, serious best. just type any song it helps to kenal kenalan with artist yang sing almost the same genre. then I baru tahu how people listen to all the songs that never appeared on radio, hikhik, nak cool je letak king of leon padahal dengar westlife. hikhihk.
till then, by people. sorry to everyone that I've secara tak sengaja been so cold. beyond cold. I just dun feel like having a real deep conversation. as i grew older and experienced the worse of the worst incident in my life. though sometimes I try to avoid any pain. im sick, im just too sick to go back at the start.
as the last words I remember,
we wont be the same.
it wont be the same.
and I truly regret for I've done. and Truly regret for giving the worst out of time.
and worst I truly regret on holding the dark year (Alhamdulillah not years).
whoever friends that I have today, i'll keep them. and yes, I miss evelyn.
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