the cycle of life.

After death, the only thing that Im afraid is- growing up. see, in continuous means it is in process. and continuous until at one point. It just stop and by that time, Im pretty sure, how much things i already missed, and how much things im not really sure had happen. with everything i left behind, and start to wonder, how exactly i had spent all these precious time.

got what i mean?

The cycle of life in complex society is simple.

1st phase- you go preschool-primary school- High school.

2nd phase- you go university, get a diploma/degree/

3rd phase- you go to work, do whatever you have to do to keep on surviving in this world

4th phase- retired and look back at that past, and get ready to die.

as simple as that huh?

I've learn in psychology, there are certain phase in life you need to make sure you go through successfully or else, you are succumb to an utterly disaster life. somewhere around trust vs mistrust, and the rest  I couldnt really remember.

and that's what im afraid off. I dun really have a perfect example, anyone in my family member (yet) that go through life happily. im afraid, when i grow up, something went wrong and I had to endure living with the mistake, because its undo. like, i have to work because, i already purchased all the material I need, and i am bound to do something I dun really like inorder to keep on surviving in the mortal world.

or else if I dun go to work, then, my financial is at stake. and I may suffer. 

world at this age, control by capitalist pig. how could u disagree with this?

Seriously, i've been observing my colleague. They dun really enjoy working, they have to work because they have to, or else, get ready to be face a tsunami of debt.

imagine, i had to do the same thing everyday. wake up at 6.00 went off to work at 8, stuck in traffic jam and start working 9am to 1 pm, break for an hour, and start working back until 6. go back, stuck again in traffic jam for long hours, and then sleep.

and the next keep on doing the same thing. once in a while, get promoted. once in a while go to vacation and once in a while, feeling happy.

and next what else? retired and get ready to die.

you see, these kind of life im not really looking forward. I dun even know how I want my life to be. im not really sure if i really looking forward to graduate.

I give you my example. i felt happy when i was working with The Management Team, because I felt significant in that company. Technician will call me whenever they need all material, supplier will call me if they had sent time Item, and I've received call for all supplier for invoices, service report and etc. Though i was really enthusiastic on the first week, later on I start to feel bored. I start to ignore some of the call and I start not to look forward to finish my task.

I start to feel fed up everytime supplier sent wrong item, I feel fed up every time I had to update the inventory system, and I feel fed up everytime I was asked to do simple job yet look so challenging (yes bebeh try do filing with everything was upside down, and MUST be arrange accordingly or else, if something went wrong with pre-order form, and everything will be kelam kabut and there 8 different company and procurement will purchase everything for each of the company, and YES- all the contract, wrongly sent stamping, and whatsoever that really annoying) and I feel so fed up, when I had to extend my working hours because all the pending task, must be finished (like summary, closing all the transaction, and others thing clerical related thing) not in done in time.

Imagine in 2 months, I already feel so fed up working in office. and They've been working for years and years. Do they really like it? I bet no. I dun think so, because i've heard they whine about their superior being an ass. and not to mention other task which they are not supposed to do, but they had to because they are the labor, working they ass off to make everything is sufficient. 

i dunno what God had written for me in future, the truth is, Im afraid someday, i'll be like abah. stuck in previous mistake and has to endure for the whole life because of that mistake.

Selamat Berpuasa (anti climax betul hehe)