off life.

I've just realized, I never had girl friend (s) throughout for the past 22 years. True, I have lodsa of girl pren yang lawo lawo but, in the ends, I dun think I would have a special one. reason (S)- I dun think its necessary ( ai tak lawo) , emotionally & physically Im not sufficient to have stable relationshit. I didnt like to be the dr love, despite some of my friends forced me to be the ears cuz maybe I have lodsa of brilliant ideas, and with my character that always moves like a hipster, (hehe) thus, most of the friend (s) eventually *occasionally* comes to me and vomits the nonsensical gossips about their private life. I think, I blogged about this before, my fear to engage to any serious relationship. some of friends thought I might a sexual, which i have no ideas what it meant, but one thing for sure, Im not a big fan of love. expressing my love is impossible. I used to like send cheezy meezy text msges. yet, after a while, I've realized, msges are mend to be deleted.Im not different or try to be an existentialist when it comes emotion affection, sometimes no most of the time, I felt this relationshit is endless, and pointless. you know, if u had any friends that in constant drama in their relationship, though I hid my annoyance face and try to pretend I was listening attentively, the fact that I never listened to anything. let alone paying attention. pls, I have short attention span, i cant even watch an hour movies. I might pretend im interested, the truth I dun even care.

and so they say, I might the first one to get married. well, with the current rising cost and uncertain economics  problems, getting married probably will be the last thing I would do. In fact, says who being alone is solitude?something that really worries me recently, I have the feeling that im getting self-fish (er). Sometimes I felt, I take an advantage on someone for purpose. You see, I dun have so many friends, in fact most of the time, I feel awkward to ask for help. Yet, these few months, I text-ed, call-ed, etc for purpose. hmm.. maybe I become wiser? hehe.

and ya, finally, I never thought I would encounter this problem, Im getting big (er). I used to be the slimmest among my friends, maybe because i never really had weight problem. The truth tak do eh besaq sangat, it just getting bigger and no symptom im getting smaller. heheheheeeeee

anyway! congratulation por me cuz finally immmmm aaa final year student. 

bye!