plot.

back to the years when i hate my family approximately 10 years ago, where i dun even consider their feeling.and they dun even care about me. i still remember those days when i was left alone for so many times. up to the point, i dun even like them. but now, after together struggling and with so many tragedies, abah finally made up everything. though im not perfectly happy, well at least, bias seems not that obvious. maybe i start to care less. as the consequence, even until now, i never had any meaningful conversation with abah nor emak. i think they still annoyed by obnoxiousness. after all, emotionally impacted really severe, but i think i can overcome everything. being an adult really changed my perspective.

i cant remember when was the time i was left alone, until then, i already get used to it. for so many reasons it happened that way, but i think most likely because emak was really fed up with so financial that abah provided, so she decided to get a job. and ain joined her, and she had to bring aween along, because i dun emak put her trust to abang and me, because we werent that responsible. abah seldomly in home, in fact, i could barely see abah in house, and i dun even like him in house, because he was really hot tempered, and emak was working from 4 p.m untill late night. and then i took this advantage by trying so many thingss. guess what i started smoking when i was 12, because abang said it was fun. and yes, we have absolute freedom to try everything new. my life revolves around summit, amantasia, sunway, u name it. i went to many places, and dun even have to inform my parent. because, they dun care. i wasnt provided any cell phone, even when i get my first cell phone, they dun even have my number, so yes, i have absolute freedom to what i want. during this time, my family was really upsidown, i hate my family so much. sometime, i feel sorry for myself, for having them as my family.

at that time, my life was really empty. i think the worst part, i was berbuka alone with no abah, ain, emak, nor abang. because all of them were working, and yes, during fasting month, i dun even fast, because there were no one to monitor me, because i can do whatever i want, w/o even consider anyone's feeling. things get worst when i go to high school, abang get his bike, and his cliques started to hang out with another cliques, yes, at this stage, i started to realized, night is soo much fun. went to many places, from hartamas square, bb, karaoke, u name it. i went to many places, and started to neglect my study. i wasnt really worried, and i dun even study, untill abag realised what he did was stupid, after spm result was issued. and he went far to terengganu, and i left alone back.

i was fortunate enough for my pmr, i scored pretty well, though it wasnt really good, few a's b's and c. good ehe? after neglecting study for 2 years.

after strunggling for many years, desperate for abah and emak's attention, when i was form 4, emak stop working due to the internal crisis. and abah slowly changing to better. i guess he realised, his kids need attention. though sometime i still hate abah for being bias, *ain get lap top and new hp on the same day, while me just looking with full of enviousness. u name it, isnt it bias? and me, staring with full of hope i get one too, but then no i didnt get anything. i pretend that i dun care, yet, apparently i was crying for the wholeeee dayyyyyyyy! i still remember those days. when i was crying frequently.

nevertheless, a year later right after abah divorced his 2nd wife, he brought something to the house, yes. yes, i went to korea, guess abah was trying to made up everything after screwing the family so many years. yet, untill now, the worst part i dun talk to abah frequently so to abang. because we were rebellious to him. i still remember he said, he never had any son. because all he cared about was ain and aween. well, my mistake for going everywhere. there were few days i went to somewhere and didnt went back home. yes, no one call.

i know abah was really surprised when i get more a's than ain, and set a new record for spm. and, i get to the same university. well at least, abah never say no whenever i ask him to bank in some cash, yet, he never asked me about my life over there. hmmm... and but then, i thnk he gave me money indicating he loves me, hehehehe.

after all, now i think we are happy family. though we dun talk that much, yet we are family. in fact, u dunno abah, u have wonderful kids, that not even corrupted eventhough was neglected severely. hehehe, i love my family =)

nevertheless, something left, im desperate for everything and whenever i have problem, i never refer to them them, because from long ago until now, they dun give a damn. hahahahaha, mcm kelakar plak