setiap yang impossible tidak lagi impossible.

im tracking back my life,back to where i dun even have anything on my mind. the only thing that i loved and the only im going to school because, syaharan agama bahasa melayu, pesta pantun, deklamasi sajak, pidato piala diraja, dan debat ala parlimen. yet, right after this period over, im gonna skip school back, and back to my normal and typical life. i hate school so much. and because of this competition i never had any problem for my presentation, and heck, my friends in school been jeering and taunting me, yet, i was quite respected in university by my classmates. because, it not easy and never been easy to speak infront of public. my teacher never taught me, nor everyone. i pick all the skills thru watching tv, youtube, looking for world-class speakers. and then develop my own originality. and alhamdulillah i've won several, lost here and there. but in university? beside, bahasa melayu, not really what my universuty emphasize so, i decide not to join any.

there was a mock for english debate, damn, the whole used to represent malaysia, and one of them won best asean speaker, best world class speaker, and so much more. so, how could i ever fit in? beside, at that time, i was still struggling to live in nilai, therefore, i put everything aside, and put my focus more to my study.

well, because of this competition i have to read so many things, at that time, internet wasnt provided by my parent, so i have to sit for hours *heh, i get primary sources tau, tak mainlah internet* ok sambung balik, i have to sit for hours to get idea, and sources. yet, it worth, because for the 1st time, my school SMK USJ 8 menang pidato. well, mind you, for pidato either english or malay both languages have spontaneous section. as 60 % mark allocate more, and all the pidato contestant were given 1 mnt to think and 4 mnts to deliver their speech. yes, at this time macam macam benda u can heard during this time. bodoh, nyah kau dari sini, dia dan FAMILY dia (malay ye malay) and other funny stuff. siap ada yang nyanyi lagi. hehehe, muah? no. i control macho. beside, i was really islamic. for every competition. im gonna start with salam, selawat, hehehe. then only im gonna talk and talk talk. yeah, i have to admit i was rambling for few seconds, then start to organize back my ideas. haaaaaaaaaaa, kan macho tu?

i join all this kinda of competition because i like to talk, and talk and talk. beside, i love bahasa melayu so much, it was at that time. and, i want to be journalist, well, like zainudin maidin, if im not mistaken, hehe, then i wanna be like tengku razaleigh hamzah, because he's such a cool men, when he voiced about something *da lupa, when he join party apa entah, also da lupa, nthen i discovered about rendra, cant recall the tittle but it mentioned something about indonesia, the i've realised, everything required more than intellectual capacity to success in all i mentioned above. oh yeah, i wanna be lawyer, then.....

at this very tender age, there were so many things went on my mind. i wanna be this, i wanna be that. yet, i've realised, i need to put 100% commitment. and have to undergo same routine everyday. heck no!!!!!

yes, i met hishamuddin rais when i was form 4 and learn philosophy though i dun understand anything, well, now i do understand here and there, about marxisme, neo-marxisme siocialist, lenin, all the great stuff and required so many readings, well im not sure whether i interpret correctly/ hehee.. what a mind blowing people, and i think hishamuddin rais, indeed a great men, i talk about him to my lecterur, as he claimed, he's a good men, with extraordinary intellectual, yet, he channeled it to bad way, cant blame him, maybe because he found that the purpose knowledge that he possessed. eh apa aku tulis?

well, basically i dun know what i wanna be in the future, well atleast to get a degree inshallah by this july im gonna star my first year. *bachelor of humans sciences (history and civilization) mcm tak glemer langsung. haishhh, nak jadi apa nih?

*nantilah i repair balik